They say the U.S. doesn't make things anymore -- that we've lost our way and are no longer No. 1.
Well, "they" are wrong. No country on Earth is capable of producing the quantity, quality and quantity of idiots that our fair land churns out with alarming regularity.
Affable favorite Paul Rudd continues the proud tradition of representing our country's most common commodity in "Our Idiot Brother," nwe on DVD and Blu-ray this week. But can he be stupid enough to join the ranks of elite morons, or does he still have a few more brain cells to kill? Let's review his imbecilic competition.
15. Chevy Chase as Clark Griswold in 'National Lampoon's Vacation' (1983)
Sample Quote: "Russ, it's really great that I can spend time with you and... uh... uh..."
Why He's an Idiot: In this poetic ode to the summer vacation, family man and buffoon Clark tries to drive his wife and kids to Walley World theme park. But the fates -- and Clark's many, many poor choices -- conspire to keep the perfect family vacation he imagines just out of reach. And, as with so many family road trips, this one ends with Dad taking hostages at gunpoint.
14. George Clooney as Everett in 'O Brother, Where Art Thou?' (2000)
Sample Quote: "Me an' the old lady are gonna pick up the pieces and retie the knot, mixaphorically speaking."
Why He's an Idiot: Everett's the sort of numbskull who believes himself a brilliant mastermind, despite the piles of evidence to the contrary. So with a hair full of Dapper Dan pomade, Everett and his two pea-brained companions escape a chain gang and go on a hillbilly Odyssey through the Depression-era Deep South.
13. Jennifer Coolidge in... Anything
Sample Quote: "We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about." (as Sherri in "Best in Show")
Why She's an Idiot: Whether she's a lipstick lesbian with the mental faculties of a second grader in "Best in Show" or a lovesick manicurist in "Legally Blonde," Coolidge plays the ditzy broad like no one else. Almost as if Renee Zellweger were doing a parody of herself, Coolidge cleverly conceals any hints of intelligence behind her perpetually squinting eyes and pouted lips that seem poised to devour her own face.
12. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly as Brennan and Dale in 'Step Brothers' (2008)
Sample Quote: "We put liquid paper on a bee, and it died."
Why They're Idiots: When these two spoiled man-children's parents marry, they're forced to share a bedroom and immediately attempt to destroy each other. Watching Ferrell and Reilly (both veterans of the "Jackass" genre) go toe-to-toe in the idiot ring is not unlike witnessing De Niro and Pacino in a scene together.
11. Holly Hunter and Nicolas Cage as Ed and H.I. McDunnough in 'Raising Arizona' (1987)
Sample Quote: "Prison life is structured -- more'n some people care for."
Why They're Idiots: In this amazing Coen brothers comedy, Hunter and Cage are a white-trash couple who, unable to conceive a child, resort to snatching one of a local furniture baron's quintuplets. Somewhere between stealing a newborn, harboring two fugitives on the run and robbing a 7-11 for Huggies, the couple realize they might not be ready for parenthood.
10. Anna Faris as Shelley Darlingson in 'The House Bunny' (2008)
Sample Quote: "My heart is pounding like a nail."
Why She's an Idiot: After turning the disgustingly old age of 27, this lightheaded Playboy bunny gets tossed out of Hugh's mansion and winds up in college, where she discovers the one place on Earth equal in intellectual substance to Hef's grotto: a sorority house.
9. Steve Carell as Brick Tamland in 'Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy' (2004)
Sample Quote: "I love lamp."
Why He's an Idiot: This certifiably brain-dead meteorologist is just happy to tag along with the rest of the local news team, even if he rarely knows what's going on around him, or what day it is. Look closely and you'll notice that he's putting mayonnaise into a toaster while explaining that a doctor told him he had an IQ of 48.
8. Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow as Romy and Michele in 'Romy and Michele's High School Reunion' (1997)
Sample Quote: "You know, even though we've watched 'Pretty Woman' like, thirty-six times, I never get tired of making fun of it."
Why They're Idiots: It's lucky for these two dim ladies that they found each other back in high school and are inseparable because, individually, neither has quite enough brainpower to get through the day. But when they learn that their high school reunion is around the corner, their friendship is tested as they attempt to pretend that they've actually done something with their lives.
7. Leslie Nielsen as Lt. Frank Drebin in 'The Naked Gun' (1988)
Sample Quote: "Jane, since I've met you, I've noticed things that I never knew were there before: birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf... stoplights."
Why He's an Idiot: Nielsen was a master at portraying the dashing, well-spoken authority figure who also happens to be stupid beyond belief. As Lt. Drebin, he played into our worst fears of police incompetency, solving crimes through fortuitous blundering while leaving a trail of destruction in his wake.
6. Adam Sandler as Billy Madison in 'Billy Madison' (1995)
Sample Quote: "I'm the smartest man alive!"
Why He's an Idiot: In order to inherit the family business and the millions of dollars that come with it, Billy has to repeat grades 1 through 12, two weeks per grade. You'd think elementary school at least would be a snap, but Billy's intellectual struggles start on Day 1.
5. Sacha Baron Cohen as Borat Sagdiyev in 'Borat' (2006)
Sample Quote: "I arrived in America's airport with clothings, U.S. dollars, and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS."
Why He's an Idiot: Cohen brilliantly exploited Americans' hidden prejudices when he unleashed Borat, the incestuous, misogynistic, Jew-hating Kazakhstani who roamed the country, bringing out the worst in people and leaving audiences laughing and cringing in equal measure.
4. Ben Stiller as Derek Zoolander in 'Zoolander' (2001)
Sample Quote: "There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, 'Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman.'"
Why He's an Idiot: Between looking really really good, engaging in orgies and doing runway walk-offs, Derek Zoolander somehow manages to sort of understand that he's been brainwashed to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia in this eye-opening expose on the mental limitations of the male model.
3. Dan Castellaneta as Homer Simpson in 'The Simpsons' (2007)
Sample Quote: "Why does everything I whip leave me?"
Why He's an Idiot: There might not be any fictional character, be it human or cartoon, quite as boneheaded as Homer. And with his movie and TV show now seen in nearly every corner of the globe, Americans can hold their heads high knowing he's representing us.
2. Steve Martin as Navin R. Johnson in 'The Jerk' (1979)
Sample Quote: "I was born a poor black child."
Why He's an Idiot: Raised by a black family, Navin (Martin) is told in his 40s that he's adopted and will never change color. Shocked and confused, Navin runs away to find his true purpose and, possibly, an iota of rhythm. Playing his character clueless beyond all reason, Martin influenced generations of imitators by proving that audiences would happily root for a guy whose greatest thrill was getting his name in the phone book.
1. Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels as Lloyd and Harry in 'Dumb and Dumber' (1994)
Sample Quote: "What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?"
Why They're Idiots: In this hilarious Farrelly brothers comedy, best buds Lloyd and Harry manage to destroy lives, endanger a kidnapping victim and kill an endangered owl in their quest for the heart of beautiful woman who wants nothing to do with either of them. Never before and never since has such extreme mental slowness been captured on film.
Originally published Aug. 25, 2011.